How to say no

There is nothing more likely to tip us over the edge and add to our mental clutter cloud than agreeing to do something that we really do not want to do or have time to do. We say yes when we wish we could have said no for so many reasons. It could be because we don’t want to let people down, or seem boring, or we have a touch of the people pleasing gene (That’s me too!), or we simply don’t know HOW to say no without seeming rude. Here are a few ideas for how to say no, without making it too uncomfortable for yourself. This can be the key difference between feeling frazzled and like our brain is full, to starting to feel in control.

If someone asks you to do something and your immediate thought is " oh my goodness how will I ever find time to do that" there are a few things you can. do or say.. And you can practice them to help you feel more comfortable.

If it’s your manager at work asking you can say -

"of course, I can have a look but I have some other deadlines that clash so can we look at them and prioritise them together?"

or

"can we talk about if there is anyone else who can help if both need to be completed as I wont manage that In that timing by myself". In this example - If you know what the competing priority is you can mention it straight away.

I would also add - protect your own time too - if you’re panning to go to the gym - that counts as a reason you cant finish some last minute work too!

If it is someone else who asks you to do something, other than your manager, and you have a competing priority - in the first instance you can let them know you aren't available to work on it until "x time and does that work for them?". If not then say you will need to check in with your manager to assess priorities and you will come back to them

If its something that you think its more appropriate for someone else to do rather than yourself - then you could try saying things like " I’m wondering if X team might do a better job of that than me"

If you find it hard to say no to social plans, the best thing to do is to actually practice saying something in response. Get it ready. It can be anything that feels comfortable for you.

So my Litsa words might be "I'm just having a quiet one this weekend so I won't come this time". Or " I need some time at home this weekend, let's arrange for another weekend though".

Finally, what about if someone is asking you for one too many favours, for example to help with their childcare? In these situations again, practicing your answer will make a massive difference. Practice saying it out loud. You can say things like “ Ah I would love to help but that day is tricky for us so I cant this time”. Say that kind of thing enough times and the requests will start to stop!

Can you think about how you would say something similar in each of these situations in your own words?

If this is one of many elements of your life that you have bouncing around in your mental clutter cloud – take a look here at ways you can work with me in a series of unscrambling sessions to banish your mental clutter cloud and bring order to your life - 1:1 programmes (unscrambleme.co.uk)